Towards Healing

Steps from .....Grief.....to Growth

• Jot down your thoughts in a journal. Your journal is a private place where you can write your deepest thoughts and feelings. If you are having trouble getting started finish off sentences such as "If only..." "I wish we had..." "I remember..." "I'm furious with…" "I'll never..."

• Let go of your anger. Don't allow bitterness to take over your life. Resentment hurts only you in the long run. Find the source of your anger and do everything you can to resolve it.

• Find comfort through rituals that feel right for you. It may be a garden corner or another sacred space you create. It may be prayer, meditation or visit to the cemetery. Rituals can be a source of strength.

• Tread lightly by holding off when making major decisions. Explore options, seek counsel and take your time. When you are vulnerable you need to take extra care if making life changing decisions.

• Be kind and patient with the conflict inside you. Find a balance between the happy and sad person, the angry and peaceful self, the guilty you and the glad you. Have patience with your grieving self.

• Laugh again and rediscover your sense of humour. Don't feel guilty at moments of fun and joy. This is not a betrayal of your loved one for they would not want you to give up on living. They would be disappointed if you were miserable for the rest of your life!

• Nurture yourself through exercise, healthy eating and regular sleep are important.

  • Don't be afraid to seek and accept help when you need it.
  • Become a healer by reaching out and helping others… it may help you as well.
  • Live life again by developing new interests, skills and friends.
  • Focus your energy away from the past and look to creating a future that is a little different.
  • Take small steps and enjoy small victories. Seek a new way of being you!

Understanding Fear

FEAR: Fear can be a part of grief. Fear of the future, fear of loving again, fear of your own life, fear of forgetting.

Fear may lead to anxiety. Trust yourself and your emotions.

Try to understand the fear. - by Linda Espie

Managing Your Stress Through Grief

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. It is important to hold onto the truth of your own experience and not be bound by the cliches and myths presented by others.

It is normal to be overwhelmed when an overwhelming event occurs. It is normal to feel lost, dazed, confused and frustrated when a major loss affects your life. For anyone suffering from grief and trauma the emotional pain is intense and prolonged.

We use an enormous amount of energy as we experience a range of tumultuous emotions. This affects the way we function in our daily lives.

If we confront and process these negative emotions appropriately, we are promoting the healing of our grief. To focus on the injury and the injurer (be it a person, the state of the roads or other influences) may prolong or cause more unnecessary suffering.

To effect a change in ourselves we need a shift in consciousness. Regrets can often mean blame...eg "I should have done such and such..."; but if changed to a lament: "I wish I had said.../done...", it allows us to begin to heal.

Being open about our reactions and feelings and sharing how we feel with others is a far healthier way of dealing with grief. The danger, is we could mask feelings and find an outlet in excessive work, anger, food, alcohol, shopping, fantasy or isolation.

Something to think about...

• How have your stress levels been since your loss?

Are you:

• Eating properly?
• Having adequate sleep?
• Looking after your basic needs, generally?
• Exercising?

Have you been:

• Drinking, smoking or anything else to excess?
  

If you are having trouble and experiencing related stress with your grief, don't hesitate to reach out to anyone whom you know will listen, whether this is a friend, neighbour, relative, social worker or counsellor. Talking things through can help so that you can look after yourself again.

The focus is on the present, and looking to the future. This does not mean you are to ignore, deny or forget the past. The tragic circumstances of your loss cannot be forgotten and you are changed forever. This is about acknowledging who you are now and encouraging life to grow.

Develop new interests: Focus your energies away from the past and look to the future. Look to what is important to you now and develop new friends and interests and discard that which no longer is lifegiving for you.

Learn new skills by joining a study group, educational course or a community interest course. Take up yoga, Thai Chi, art class, photography or whatever! Join a Bushwalkers Club, a Choir, Rotary, Probus, Country Women's Association, or a Church organisation to name just a few. Your world has changed! You have changed - so do something different!

Food for the Soul: Nourish your inner self..through nature, music, the arts, reading, mediation and spirtitual development.

Congratulate yourself for every small step along the way. Record your achievements and see the list grow!Don't be discouraged by setbacks or disappointments. They have the potential for learning and growht!

Grief is the price we pay for love... BUT we do not have to pay that price forever. It is in your power to become stronger after grief. The choice is yours. - by Mary Walsh

Anxiety Management Technique

Relaxation instructions:

1.Close your eyes and focus on your breathing, keeping it slow and even. Say the word 'relax' to yourself as you breathe out.

2.Tense up your right foot, squeezing your toes together and pointing them downwards. Focus on that tension. Slowly release that tension as you breathe out, saying the word relax to yourself.

3. Now tense up your calf muscle and hold the tension for a while. Slowly release the tension as you breathe out.

4. Go through the other muscles in your body working through the muscles of your right/left leg, buttocks, back, abdomen, chest, shoulders, left arm, fingers, right arm, and fingers, neck, jaw, lips, eyes and forehead.

5. When you finish 'scan' through your body and make sure that most of the tension has been released. If some areas are still tense spend exact time in those places.

6. Slowly open you eyes and try to maintain that feeling of relaxation for the rest of the day.

While you are learning the progressive muscle relation techniques, it is recommended that you practise at least twice a day to get full benefit.

Forgiveness...

• Is a journey of choice that takes time.
• Is a gift we give to ourselves, then to others.
• Is a gift not a deal.
• Isn't condoning, pardoning or giving up justice.
• Isn't forgetting.
• Means we can criticise the offence without hating the offender.
• Means refusing to be revictimised.
• Lowers our anxiety, decreases our anger and depression. It increases self-esteem, hope and harmony. It restores relationships.
• Means life can be redeemed, hope is possible, and change is a real option.

Where there's love there's hope

Enough is Enough welcomes our newest recruits: Robert and Judy Turner. Robert and Judy are Enough is Enough's resident poets, as well as collaborating with us on an exciting future project. Their poetry touches the heart and gives hope to those who are grieving or have experienced a loss.